so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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