At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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