I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
