just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
