She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
