bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Randomize
