he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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