Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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