If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
