I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
