So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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