i wish my penis had a tongue
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
