that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Randomize
