hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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