Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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