dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
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