Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
