If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
i think i just lost a toe
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
