You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize