the condom got lost in my hair
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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