I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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