he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
