Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
i think my cat just said my name.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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