Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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