Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Randomize
