Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
