Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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