He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
You're a waste of cheezeits
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
