CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
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