I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
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