I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize
