How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
