I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
