He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
