My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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