It was confusing and full of hummus
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Can vaginas get frostbite?
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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