I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
