I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I wear drunk well.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
