on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
