yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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