did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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