Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
