hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Can you bring me the toilet please
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
