So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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