We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Randomize
