Your favorite bartender is back from prision
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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