do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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