I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
it's like heaven, but drunker
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
