Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
You need Xanax blowdarts
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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