just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
